In December I wrote about being in a plateau. A holding pattern if you will. Finding myself doing the same things over that I have done in the past. Well, 2 months have passed and I am still in the 330’s. I was sooo close last week, 330.4. Tomorrow is weigh in day and today I was at 333.2. Gonna take a miracle to lose 3.3 lbs overnight.
It is so frustrating to watch the days go by and know that I am making a choice that is not helping me get to a healthy weight. 3 months and I am still at the same point. I can only imagine what weight I would be at if I had stuck to the plan.
But you know what? Imagining and being angry at myself for the past 3 months wasted is not going to move me forward. It is only going to keep me moving down that dark rabbit hole that I get on when I am feeling sorry for myself. The one where I tell myself that, “see, once again, you are a failure. You can’t complete anything you start. You might as well just give up or try something different since this obviously isn’t working anymore”.
Being obese is not just about eating less calories than you use. Yes, that is what ultimatley allows you to lose weight. It is so much more than that. It is more mental than physical. If the mind is not in a good place then the loss won’t happen. Yes, the mind can be in the wrong place but you could still eat fewer calories than you burn off but for how long?
I hate this part of my journey. This time was why it took me so long to even start this program. At 55 I have been down this road the majority of my life. This cycle is not new to me. I continue to tell myself this time will be different. This time I will make it through and come out healthy on the other side. I can tell myself that all day. It is the believing part that I need to work on.
God didn’t create me to be unhealthy. He created me so that I could glorify Him and spread the word about His free gift of salvation. Yes, I can do that at 462 lbs or at 175 lbs but staying at the unhealthy weight limits me on where I can go and what I can do for his kingdom.
I am working on the believing part of this journey. I will get through this. One step, one meal, one second at a time. God will use this setback to show his faithfulness and love.
Sorry this post is kind of all over the place. Hang with me. We will get there. God’s got this.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for walking this path with me. Thank you for showing me your continued love no matter where my thoughts or discouragement goes. Please continue to convict me when I make a choice that is not beneficial for my health. Please use me to show others your love, grace and salvation. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Weight Goes Bye 