This weight loss journey has not been easy. I am at the point where I feared I would get. I am “letting” myself have a cookie here, or a sandwich there. “But it’s just one time” I tell myself. Other’s tell me “you need to allow yourself to cheat every once in awhile”.
I have always started something with a lot of enthusiasm. Ready to take on the world. Accomplish a task or goal with the best of them. Then I get about 1/2 way through. It get’s hard, it gets boring, it takes too much effort. Excuse after excuse starts creeping in. What starts out as an exciting adventure turns into me repeating past behaviors.
I hit my 100 lb weight loss around Thanksgiving. Took me about 2 weeks to lose that 2 lbs to get to the 100 lost. This was on a Monday. Official weigh-in day is Thursday so when I weighed in on Thursday I was at 99.6 lost. That was almost 4 weeks ago. In the last 6 weeks I have only lost about 6-8 lbs. I knew a plateau would hit eventually but I also know that I am letting too much of the “just one time” snacks and meals enter my daily consumption.
When I hit my 100 lbs lost I had scheduled a photo shoot. I had bought a beautiful dress with Christmas cats all over it (there are guys in my bible study who hate cats so I had to get the dress). When I had the pictures taken they turned out pretty well. I posted them on my main Facebook page as well as my weight-loss group page. I got so many compliments telling me how beautiful and happy I looked. How proud everyone was of me. How I am an inspiration to so many.
I felt like a hypocrite!! If those people posting only knew how much I felt/feel like a failure. How much I am struggling right now. How I see me doing the same things over and over again they would know that I am not an inspiration. I’m not beautiful and happy. They would know I’m a fraud.
See where the outside and inside differ so much? We look at someone on the outside. We judge them by what a picture shows or a quick meeting indicates and we think that person finally has it all together. How they are doing amazing. How we wish we could be as strong as they are. What we don’t see are the thoughts that are going on inside. I like to quote a famous line from “Pretty Woman” where Richard Geres character and Julia Roberts character are talking. He asks here why she became a prostitute and she tells him then says, “the bad is easier to believe”.
I know where I am at mentally. I know what I have to do to overcome this big boulder I am at the bottom of and I will (with God’s hand pulling me up) get over this. Once I am on the other side I will realize that my excuses and past behaviors are just that, PAST. Then I will be able to see that this time doesn’t have to be the same and isn’t the same!!!
If you see someone that seems to have it all together, don’t assume you are correct. You never know what lies they might be telling themselves. I am so thankful that there are so many encouraging me and commenting on my posts. This time I won’t let myself or others down.
We’ve got this, Gods got this, I’ve got this…
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for bringing me this far. Thank you for using me to hopefully help someone else who is struggling with his/her weight. Thank you for loving me no matter what I look like on the outside or feel like on the inside. Thank you for your guidance.
I pray that I don’t let go of your hand pulling me up this boulder. I can’t get over it alone and so I just hand it over to you.
Please bless those who are reading this. Give them wisdom, courage, strength and grace to know when someone is hurting and what to say. With you, all things are possible and I am so very thankful for that. I love you!! In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Weight Goes Bye 